Far From Home by Colorfire (Lyrics)

Speak slower to the falling pride
But you know it's on the rise
It's always on the rise

Place all your silence out of reach
Don't you know it's not that hard
It's not that hard

And all you have are fragile hands
Broken heart you can't withstand
It's all gonna fall

And you'll find the meaning of it all
Find your source of gladness in the silence of an empty room and
When nothing is around you
You can feel the open window blowing in
Just let yourself go
Cause brokeness is not that far from home

A whisper haunting in my ear
Cause I hear it as a cry
I always hear your cry

Like a bullet with his pen
Bleeding out his heart in words
I always hear your words

And all you have are shallow plans and nameless heart for this romance
It's all
Gonna fall

And you'll find the meaning of it all
Find your source of gladness in the silence of an empty room and
When nothing is around you
You can feel the open window blowing in
Just let yourself go
Cause brokeness is not that far from home

And you will feel love
And you will feel love
And you will feel love
And you will feel love

And you'll find the meaning of it all
Find your source of gladness in the silence of an empty room and
When nothing is around you
You can feel the open window blowing in
Just let yourself go
Cause brokeness is not that far from home
Far From Home by Colorfire

Finding an old goodie from porn.

Don't Pick Me Up
Do you believe in serendipity
Do you avoid all the obvious
We met before you don't remember me
Are you the kind that breaks all your promises
I'm sure you hear that you're sexy all the time
But tonight the pleasure's all mine
To finally be with you

Maybe I'm wrong
Or maybe I'm right
Bet you never thought that I could be your type

When the lights go out and the radio's on
And the sheets between us don't belong
When the rest of the world is looking in
It's hard to notice anything
Don't pick me up if you're only gonna put me down

Do you believe you're really over me
Are you in love with someone else
Along the way we lost the mystery,
Or have you lost too much of yourself?
I'm sure there must be something we can do
I'm not giving up on you
Not so fast

Maybe I'm wrong
Maybe I'm right
Bet you never thought that I could be your type

When the lights go out and the radio's on
And the sheets between us don't belong
When the rest of the world is looking in
It's hard to notice anything
Don't pick me up if you're only gonna put me down
Don't pick me up if you're only gonna put me down
Don't pick me up if you're only gonna put me down
Don't pick me up (Stop sending me a lie)
If you're only gonna put me down

Are you in love with someone else
Do you avoid all the obvious
Do you believe you're really over me
(Do you believe you're really over me)
I'm sure you hear that you're sexy all the time
But tonight the pleasure's all mine
I'm not giving up on you
(I'm not giving up on you)

When the lights go out and the radio's on
And the sheets between us don't belong
When the rest of the world is looking in
It's hard to notice anything
Don't pick me up if you're only gonna put me down
Don't pick me up if you're only gonna put me down
Don't pick me up if you're only gonna put me down
Don't pick me up (Stop sending me a lie)
If you're only gonna put me down
(Are you in love with someone else)

It's been six years...

It's officially 2017. It's been 6 whole years since I've started this journey. Looking back, I'll still remember the first day as if it was yesterday. I told her clearly that I was not interested; that I did not want to have anything to do with this. But no, she won't take no for an answer. Well look what we have here, 6 years and zero progress. Every time you would complain about how you have to work extremely hard, to mortgage the house and what not just to provide me resources, but when I tell you time and time again that I do not want to do this, it only falls on deaf ears. Why are you complaining when clearly it is shown that things aren't going to work out but you still want to bulldoze your way through things? All of this started when...

T'was the year 2011, just after graduating high school. My mom brought me to Sunway University College to look for what tertiary education I should be doing. We went to an advisor, and when the advisor asked what it was I was interested in, as clear as day do I remember, I said "I'm not interested in anything". Mom tried to get me to, I don't know, behave? Stop acting like a stuck up brat? I really don't know what she was trying to get me to do, but from my point of view, she was just trying to get me to stop making her feel ashamed in public. After that, I don't know how or what happened, but I was enrolled into Sunway's American Degree Transfer Program (ADTP)'s department of Computer Science without my willful consent. When I said willful consent, it meant that sure I did say yes, but there wasn't anything else I could say. I said no a million times and nothing was being done about it. So yeah. I was at the point where I've given up and decided to just go with the flow and cross whatever bridge where and when I come up to.

Fast forwarding to today, January 2017, I've just changed my major from Computer Science to Business. From what the advisors of both CS and Business are telling me, I'd still need about 2 to 2 and a half years to graduate. Which means that I'm going to take 8-9 years to get my Bachelor's Degree. Pretty much twice the amount of time a normal student takes. Like what the hell right? Honestly I don't even know anymore. Maybe it's because I spent all my times playing video games that I'm failing my classes. But that's my interest. That's what I like doing. I love video games. And I hate studying. Well, I don't hate "Studying". I just find it uninteresting. I don't care for it. I really don't. So is it really video games' fault that I'm failing. Or is it because of my lack of interest, for me to put effort in, or lack thereof. I really don't know anymore. Year after year I ask myself what am I doing. Is it worth it? Spending 8 to 9 years just to get a Bachelor's Degree in Business. What next? A business degree is pretty useless. Work? As what? I'd be 27 with a bare minimum wage? Doing what? I don't even know. Do my Masters? What school would take me? Is it worth it? If you think about it, had I spent the last 6 years working, instead of being unproductive, wouldn't I be in a better place by now? I'm at 90 credit hours but I'm still no where close to graduation. If only I could get that programming and that calculus class done, I...there's no if only. What's done is done. But switching to Business? Will that really guarantee that I'll be able to graduate? Right now all I'll be doing are the basics. That's what I've been doing these past 6 years. Basics. So how do I know I'll be able to graduate even after changing majors? Sigh.

Honestly, maybe I should just drop out and go home. In all actually, I should've dropped out a long time ago. I really do feel like going down this path is just a waste of everyone's time. But right now I'm so far down the path that I don't even know if I can call it quits. What am I supposed to do? I just can't tough it out and do something that I'm completely uninterested in. I don't have the resolve nor the motivation. Somebody help me. No, that's not what I'm asking. Somebody, live my life for me. That's what I'm really asking.

Stateside...

Pros and Cons of living in the states...
Pros
1. Amazon
2. Video Games
3. Currency
4. People
5. Technology
6. Weather
7. Chicks
8. Basketball

Cons
1. Food
2. Geoblock / Region lockout
3. Strict laws
4. Politicians
5. Potential War Threat
6. Travelling
7. Chicks
8. It's just not home.

Some things, never change.

It may be pretentious of me to think this way, but hey, this is what I've been going through all my life. Call me an attention seeker, call me a cocky SoB, call me whatever, I'm at the point where I can't even deal with anything anymore.

This all started when I was 12. When playing the guitar was a whole new world, a cool world. So I signed up for classes after school, over at Guitar Collection in SS15. Soon after, *Well now that it's been 10 years, I might be wrong* bunch of my peers started to learn to play the guitar too. *To fast forward it a little* Three, maybe four years down the road, I'll just say it's because I didn't put enough time in it, and not because I lack the talent *Something I refuse to admit. Hah* my skills at playing the guitar stagnated. While slowly, one by one, more and more of my friends started being able to play the guitar skillfully and most were even moving on to their second instruments. They just blew by me like a storm. Leaving me behind nothing but dust and despair and self hate.

I thought I had more in between the years, but I can't remember any right now. So let's just skip ahead. No one likes a long ass story anyways.

Couple weeks ago, well, I started this like as soon as I got my computer, my baby, which was a year and a half ago, but couple weeks ago I retried to stream me playing video games again. And then one by one, people around me started doing it too. And guess what? They have more viewers/followers than me. What else is there to say. I can't even...

Finally, this happened couple days ago...all these while, I'd make my own videos and post them on faceboob, instead of just getting the links from pre-existing ones on YouTube, mostly because they don't have exactly what I was looking for. Also, I've always wanted to try to get like a shit ton of views on one of my videos, just to see what it'd be like at the top of the hill you know? But other people's uploads would garner more views, even though the quality of the video wasn't even as good as mine. Well, enough about that, back on track, slowly but surely, I saw my faceboob wall being overrun by selfmade videos too. Like wth. Seriously? Feels like you guys won't be doing it if I never did it...

Actually, I've contemplated sitting down quietly to write this post for so long that I don't even remember what the original plan was. I may have gone off track mid way through. Woops.

Well, this probably doesn't concern me, but it ticks me off every time so I'll just put it up here, but all these posts of old videos suddenly being popular again, it just frustrates me man. Like I've posted it a million times, not just me, but others have posted it before as well, but no one cared. And then all of a sudden, these punks came along, shared it once, not even the original link mind you, some shitty rip they made themselves, and lo and behold, 7 digit viewers. 6 digit likes, 5 digit shares. Like seriously. What the fudge. Like that One-Punch Man series. I've been sharing that shit for so long, trying to get people on the train, was even following the series done by ONE where the drawing was insanely horrible, but no one gave a flying fudge, and then the anime came out, hoohah everyone loves it, memes all over the place, everyone's talking about it. Ugh. It just frustrates me so SO MUCH.

Life goes on...

Man, it's soooo hard to maintain a blog. Guess I'm just really bad at time management.

Oh well, moving on, one semester has just flew by again. My grades went up lesser than I was hoping for, still failed my calculus though. But on the brighter side, I've already sent in my university application form, and now I'm praying really hard that they would accept me despite all my shortcomings.

In this 7th semester of mine, my schedule is really free and easy as it is my last semester, *hopefully*, and one of my classes got canceled because there was only me enrolled into that subject. Sad right? Haha. Therefore, with time on my hands, I decided on a whim to work for my parents.

Well, working life is...REALLY BORING! Adding salt to the wound, I have to go gym everyday, it's like hell on earth, gosh I'm soooooo tired. But I have to endure this endeavor. All for the sake of my pikachu 3ds xl!!! GAMES FOR LIFE! Guess I'm done here. I've completely forgotten what I wanted to write. Oh well, chao~

Lynx out~

Second Chances...

Hey my hallowed bloggersphere, its been waay to long.
meh, its just a week. haha.

Near the end of the second week of January, the results of my fifth semester was finally out. I got an A.C.E, if you know what I mean. I barely passed. And the fact that I was on my second probation proved to be even more stressful. If my CGPA were to drop below 2.0 that semester, I was gonna be facing expulsion from my school. But thank the Lord Almighty, somehow a miracle came through, and I managed to stay above the line. Every semester I vow to do better than the previous one, to improve myself, to go for a better future. But it is quite apparent that I'm a guy with no perseverance. My passion of studying probably lasts me at most a week into the semester. lol. Then I'd be slacking, emo'ing, and regretting all at the same time throughout the rest of the semester. This happens every semester.

Exactly what I'd do everytime.

Now that I've gotten my second chance, for the hundredth time, probably, I really hope I can make it through this semester with flying colors. As of right now, the second week of the semester, I'm already starting to slack, but my quiz marks were 14/15 so far, so I still have a chance to get back on track before I derail too far off I guess.

It is the second week of this semester, and I'm still trying to find time to blog, but as you can see how things are working out for me thus far. haha. I'm really hating the current schedule. My classes starts everyday at 8:30 and ends at 10:30, only to resume at 3 in the middle of the afternoon. Sigh. Every morning I wake up feeling all gloomy and slouchy. And the stupidest part is, even if I wake up early, and leave the house early, I'll get stuck in the jam and be late for class. If I wake up late, even though I don't get caught in the jam, I'll still be late. It's soooo annoying. And that 5 hour break in between classes is really really really killing me. It always makes me contemplate between napping and staying awake. And I usually end up wasting about 4 hours there.

Well, enough of the rant. Its the time of the year again. Chinese New Year is coming, in a couple of weeks. The one festival of the year that I hate the most. I'm forced to go back to my parent's hometown in some rural village where I have to live with annoying mandarin hokkien speaking old people who likes to bombard me with rhetorical questions. I hate going back to that place. It is dirty, smelly, full of birds that rain down poo like a meteor shower any and everywhere, and it's filled with insects, EVERYWHERE. The only thing that keeps me alive there is the REALLY REALLY GOOD FOOD and the little red packets. And this year, I probably won't be getting the food anymore since my grandma passed away, my family won't be visiting the places with the good food anymore. And the fact that this is going to be the last time I'm EVER setting foot in that godforsaken place just makes it that much more annoying that I don't get ma food. Bah!

Well, I'm running out of ideas what to type and it's getting late. Gotta sleep to prepare for another pain in the butt annoying 8:30 class tomorrow morning. Sigh. Ah well. Here's what I really really really want to get sometime soon,

I'm waiting for the Pikachu 3DS to be released in the NA region. I'll definitely get it. It'll be nice if they'd release the Charizard one too. But I guess that ain't happening, so I'll stick to the Pikachu one. Can't wait to get my hands one either one. If only someone would give it to me for Chinese New Year. Hint* Hint* Haha.

Oh well~ Chao~
Lynx Out~